Tits and arses tits and arses tits and arses and a
little bit of bush! Oh sorry, yeah right this is a review of ‘Piranha’ (2010) and
not of ‘Piranha 3D’ (2010) the remake
of the Roger Corman produced and Joe Dante directed original from 1978. I am a British
expat living in Thailand and I had the good fortune to go see this movie upon
its release in how it was actually filmed due to a wide 2D distribution here. I
did not have to be ripped off by the studio that was too cheap to do it properly
by actually shooting it in 3D. Dimension you are as the Thais would say “Cheap
Charlies”.
Post-conversion 3D (the 3D effects added to film in
post-production) is an insulting gimmick to help add more to the ticket price.
There were only minimal openings of a normal 2D version of ‘Piranha’ in its
domestic market of the States and in my native homeland. This is just so wrong.
Why did Dimension give Thai people the right to choose and not give the same
kind of choice to the majority of my readers who had to seek out selected
cinemas for a 2D screening? I think it might have something to do with only
having a budget of $24 million. The studio really did not have to try hard
to sell the movie oversees in non-Western and non-English speaking territories.
All you lot are the ones that were ripped off. English speaking countries seemed
to be at the top of Dimension’s agenda with just scrapping in a few odd extra
million bucks from outside of these nations.
People with half an ounce of common sense should know
that something as fake as this kind of 3D should not be worth the ticket price and
the studio knew this. They did not want to give you the choice of going to see
it normal or in this shittastic type of 3D. However, common sense prevailed in
most cases as the film did not exactly do great guns at the American box
office. People were obviously put off by having to pay more who knew more
likely than not that they were not going get that extra bang for their buck.
Despite the release of a sequel ‘Piranha 3DD’ out in March of this year I think
it is fair to say that the movie would have performed better if released in a
standard version.
Maybe the studio has learned from this and stopped
with all this post-conversion 3D nonsense, which just does not work. They have puts their hands in their pockets for the
upcoming follow up which has been filmed in REAL 3D. I have no problem whatsoever
paying the extra money for movies that are actually made in the technology as
it is worth it for the sheer experience just like James Cameron’s ‘Avatar’ (2010). I
am glad that Dimension did it properly this time around with the sequel because
the first film is a good enough time without the crappy post-converted 3D job.
2D Review
No need for an extensive synopsis here all you need know
is that thousands of attractive and very horny teenagers have arrived in Lake
Victoria for their annual spring break. It just so happens that an earthquake just
previous has opened a chasm in the sea and let out thousands of very hungry prehistoric
piranha that were thought to have been extinct two million years ago. So
obviously as well as the tons of wet naked female flesh on display there is an
even greater deal of bloody gruesome carnage for us to sink our teeth into (pun
intended).
I never went into the theatre expecting high art and
the filmmakers achieved in what they set out to do by giving the audience 90
minutes of big cheesee dumb fun. It is a horror comedy and a good one at that.
It captures all very well the spirit and humour of Dante’s first movie which
was itself never supposed to be taken seriously but is a lot wilder and
outrageous and is very much its own film with an abundance of laugh out loud
moments. Keeping in line as a parody of ‘Jaws’ (1975) just like the original it
even has a cameo from Richard Dreyfess as a direct nod to his character Matt
Hooper in the said Steven Spielberg blockbuster. The humour works very well
here and the writers do well in not letting it corrupt the super gory horror. The
kills are created by the excellent SFX work of Howard Berger, Greg Nicotero and assists and are
horrific as hell with many stand out and highly memorable set-pieces. The CGI
of the piranha fish looks scary in a kind of over the top exaggerated way. The
characters are immensely likeable and we care about them. The ensemble cast
including Elizabeth Shue as Sheriff Julie Forester, Ving Rhames as Deputy
Fallon and a hilarious comic turn from Jerry O’Connell as a shitbag porn
director are all strong.
There you go I summed up the movie perfectly in one
paragraph. This is a good time horror film much like other beer and pizza fright
flicks like ‘Fright Night’ (1985), ‘Night of the Demons’ (1988), ‘From Dusk
Till Dawn’ (1996) etc. It is everything ‘Friday The 13th’ (2009)
should have been and was not. Yes, some of the dialogue is dodgy to say the
least but it does not matter as it just adds to the enjoyable absurdity of it
all. A stupid film of course but if it is what director Alexandre Aja set out
to make just for a good laugh then all the power to him. Aja made our sides
split and gave us plenty of gob smacking kills. However, I do wish he would
return to his native France and give us something entirely original again as it
has been nine long years since ‘High Tension’. Obviously, I cannot judge the
post-conversion 3D but the movie works just as well without it. A helluva a
good time.
*** out of ****
Dave J. Wilson
*** out of ****
Dave J. Wilson
©2012
Cinematic Shocks, Dave J. Wilson - All work is the property of the credited
author and may not be reprinted or reproduced elsewhere without permission.
Thought Pirahna 2010 was hilarious fun. The non-stop gore and nudity was great. Haha. Also love your rant on post-converted 3-D.
ReplyDeleteSaw this in 3-D unfortunately, the second i put the glasses on, i got a headache.
Thanks, mate. I'm looking forward to the sequel.
Delete^ Pirahna 2010 perfectly captures that special horror "fix" that comes from sick humor mixing with bloody horror. And only a few film-makers can cook up that perfect "fix"- to stretch a metaphor to the breaking point...
ReplyDeleteAnd Dave I'm with you in wishing Aja would use his talents on something fresh.
Aja has the adaptation of 'Undying Love' in development. It might not be totally original but at least it's not another remake.
Delete